I enjoyed this, especially because you could reasonably say that I upended my life, chucked my career and changed my country *because* I read Proust in French. (Other interpretations are available, but I wouldn't describe this one as untrue.)
This is what I had to do. I had a reasonably happy, comfortable life. Not a big income, but OK. Not great relationships, but OK. Some annoyances in the business but it had its charms. Everything was OK except for one thing: I'd written about a Big Idea pretty extensively, put up a website for it, started a mailing list, etc. And . . . nothing was happening.
The problem: I wasn't incredibly happy. But I was still too happy.
Then a Big Bad Thing happened to my business, the tsunami and Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear reactor crisis, and my business cash reserve whooshed out and went to zero. Financially, it was a really bad time to start making my Big Idea happen. But as things returned to normal, I realized I'd let too much normality pass without building much on my Big Idea except words that most people didn't read. I wasn't OK with "reasonably happy" anymore.
So I interrupted myself. At age 56. It was expensive, and I made some colossal mistakes, and there was plenty that didn't turn out how I planned, not to speak of how poorly some things turned out for lack of adequate planning. But OK, also a few lucky breaks. Luck that never would have happened if I hadn't started moving.
I finally got some momentum, I mistakenly slackened pace a little, and then another Big Bad Thing: the pandemic. My modus operandi on getting things moving was based very much on responding to people who were NOT responding to my email by going to wherever they were and walking into their offices, to make my pitch there. Traveling to make a point with my entire body. Which I suddenly couldn't do anymore. So the Big Idea got pretty stalled. And financially? My business had been mostly killed. Again.
How do things stand now? Business is good again.
The Big Idea? I often feel like giving up. I'm writing a lot now, essays and fiction, and it's some kind of creative fulfillment. But I remember: stacking up lots of words didn't get anything moving before.
And today, I saw a comment I liked on LinkedIn, replied, then checked the writer and . . . wow, sounds like exactly the kind of person I should be working with. She may have much to offer me. I may have much to offer her. We seem to be very aligned in our thinking about the world, so it's not just about complementary skill sets. Values alignment. So: try to connect.
Why could that connection be important? One horrible thing about my current predicament--which includes lots of debt, hard to get out of, feeling a bit trapped in my business--is that, for my Big Idea, the town of Tokyo is not a great place to find my people. But today, I tried anyway.
Yeah, stop thinking about how to be happy. In 2013, when I finally realized that I needed to interrupt myself, I sent myself on a series of adventures and misadventures that were pretty miserable much of the time. I did it out of love.
What is the thing? It's what you love, and sometimes love is supposed to be hard. Do you think you'd be happy surfing because of how it looks from the outside? No sane person would do it just to be happy, even if it can offer a kind of happiness. It's hard, painful, scary, and you'll keep making humiliating mistakes, even if you get better, because improvement just whets your appetite for bigger, scarier waves.
Here I am at 69, having hardly accomplished as much of the Big Idea as I originally thought I'd polish off in maybe only two years. I look at my (figurative) surfboard, and think "fuck the surfboard." But I have this irksome feeling that I'm going to paddle back out into the waves again anyway, sooner or later. I can wish I didn't love it so much. At times I DO wish for that. But I can't wish the love away.
Enjoyed this read. I like how you set the scene at the start, sitting in a graveyard having your lunch, which is like the start of ‘Loitering With Intent’ by Muriel Spark. Late blooming surely has to involve some lingering with intent.
Great article Henry! This has helped me to identify my fractals, the Vera Wang story resonates with me so much… and couldn’t agree more about the happiness comments. Thanks!🤩
Wonderful piece, Henry. And remarkable timing, I was just thinking about that question yesterday - what would I do with my life if money weren't an issue? I found that I don't have a good answer. So this was a very inspiring read, and has given me lots to ponder...
Thanks Henry. I hope this gets you off the hook giving advice - though I'm sure you'll still be pestered. Some wisdom here, though it's a hard thing to generalise. I liked your autobiographical asides. Happiness usually exists solely in memory, if we're lucky enough; reifying it has been a recent generational misstep in my opinion.
Great article, still finding my "thing" as I come out of years of chronic illness coma. But looking at the fractals in my past makes me thinks my wilderness years hopefully weren't all for nothing
Someone I really look up to is Ada Palmer, who wrote the excellent Terra Ignota books. There's an anecdote I think about every now and then, from when she was in the trenches trying to get a book deal closed - that she wanted it so badly she would throw up spontaneously from the stress.
People like her make it look "easy if you just have the motivation", but that's the wrong way to think about it: their backs are against the wall, and they need to figure out a way to do it, or they'll drive themselves insane.
I enjoyed this, especially because you could reasonably say that I upended my life, chucked my career and changed my country *because* I read Proust in French. (Other interpretations are available, but I wouldn't describe this one as untrue.)
Surely the best reason for such changes!
Yessss
"...just be your own interruption" --
This is what I had to do. I had a reasonably happy, comfortable life. Not a big income, but OK. Not great relationships, but OK. Some annoyances in the business but it had its charms. Everything was OK except for one thing: I'd written about a Big Idea pretty extensively, put up a website for it, started a mailing list, etc. And . . . nothing was happening.
The problem: I wasn't incredibly happy. But I was still too happy.
Then a Big Bad Thing happened to my business, the tsunami and Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear reactor crisis, and my business cash reserve whooshed out and went to zero. Financially, it was a really bad time to start making my Big Idea happen. But as things returned to normal, I realized I'd let too much normality pass without building much on my Big Idea except words that most people didn't read. I wasn't OK with "reasonably happy" anymore.
So I interrupted myself. At age 56. It was expensive, and I made some colossal mistakes, and there was plenty that didn't turn out how I planned, not to speak of how poorly some things turned out for lack of adequate planning. But OK, also a few lucky breaks. Luck that never would have happened if I hadn't started moving.
I finally got some momentum, I mistakenly slackened pace a little, and then another Big Bad Thing: the pandemic. My modus operandi on getting things moving was based very much on responding to people who were NOT responding to my email by going to wherever they were and walking into their offices, to make my pitch there. Traveling to make a point with my entire body. Which I suddenly couldn't do anymore. So the Big Idea got pretty stalled. And financially? My business had been mostly killed. Again.
How do things stand now? Business is good again.
The Big Idea? I often feel like giving up. I'm writing a lot now, essays and fiction, and it's some kind of creative fulfillment. But I remember: stacking up lots of words didn't get anything moving before.
And today, I saw a comment I liked on LinkedIn, replied, then checked the writer and . . . wow, sounds like exactly the kind of person I should be working with. She may have much to offer me. I may have much to offer her. We seem to be very aligned in our thinking about the world, so it's not just about complementary skill sets. Values alignment. So: try to connect.
Why could that connection be important? One horrible thing about my current predicament--which includes lots of debt, hard to get out of, feeling a bit trapped in my business--is that, for my Big Idea, the town of Tokyo is not a great place to find my people. But today, I tried anyway.
Yeah, stop thinking about how to be happy. In 2013, when I finally realized that I needed to interrupt myself, I sent myself on a series of adventures and misadventures that were pretty miserable much of the time. I did it out of love.
What is the thing? It's what you love, and sometimes love is supposed to be hard. Do you think you'd be happy surfing because of how it looks from the outside? No sane person would do it just to be happy, even if it can offer a kind of happiness. It's hard, painful, scary, and you'll keep making humiliating mistakes, even if you get better, because improvement just whets your appetite for bigger, scarier waves.
Here I am at 69, having hardly accomplished as much of the Big Idea as I originally thought I'd polish off in maybe only two years. I look at my (figurative) surfboard, and think "fuck the surfboard." But I have this irksome feeling that I'm going to paddle back out into the waves again anyway, sooner or later. I can wish I didn't love it so much. At times I DO wish for that. But I can't wish the love away.
Enjoyed this read. I like how you set the scene at the start, sitting in a graveyard having your lunch, which is like the start of ‘Loitering With Intent’ by Muriel Spark. Late blooming surely has to involve some lingering with intent.
I knew you’d pick up on my little reference! :)
Great article Henry! This has helped me to identify my fractals, the Vera Wang story resonates with me so much… and couldn’t agree more about the happiness comments. Thanks!🤩
Great write up Henry! Thank you.
I love that you capitalise Garden. it feels that important
Wonderful piece, Henry. And remarkable timing, I was just thinking about that question yesterday - what would I do with my life if money weren't an issue? I found that I don't have a good answer. So this was a very inspiring read, and has given me lots to ponder...
Incredible article. Would suggest Bertrand Russell's Conquest of Happiness for a book length treatment of this article.
Thanks will look
Thanks Henry. I hope this gets you off the hook giving advice - though I'm sure you'll still be pestered. Some wisdom here, though it's a hard thing to generalise. I liked your autobiographical asides. Happiness usually exists solely in memory, if we're lucky enough; reifying it has been a recent generational misstep in my opinion.
Great article, still finding my "thing" as I come out of years of chronic illness coma. But looking at the fractals in my past makes me thinks my wilderness years hopefully weren't all for nothing
Find your fractals!
Fantastic article, Henry.
🙏
Also a topic I’ve spent a long time thinking about. I have now found ‘my thing’, and the next stage is to let it expand and grow.
I wrote about it here 10 months ago: https://open.substack.com/pub/katejarmstrong/p/a-lifes-work?r=g6z8f&utm_medium=ios
Thanks!
Link to the nat geo article?
oh I don't have it, I read the print version
I think this is a good framing.
Someone I really look up to is Ada Palmer, who wrote the excellent Terra Ignota books. There's an anecdote I think about every now and then, from when she was in the trenches trying to get a book deal closed - that she wanted it so badly she would throw up spontaneously from the stress.
People like her make it look "easy if you just have the motivation", but that's the wrong way to think about it: their backs are against the wall, and they need to figure out a way to do it, or they'll drive themselves insane.